Tossing the Bouquet & Other Traditions: Which to Keep, Which to Toss

Weddings are all about rites and traditions, and some are so deeply ingrained that we don’t even think about them. Where did the “old, new, borrowed, blue” rule come from? Beats us. How about the rice throwing? Um…Japanese immigrants? Wrong.

From the bride’s attire to the vows to the bouquet toss, every wedding tradition has a long symbolic history. Before you decide to incorporate certain rituals into your ceremony or reception, you might want to do a bit of research into their symbolic origins. If you and your intended have decided not to have children, for instance, you might want to forego the rice throwing, which is actually an ancient fertility ritual!

The flip side of the coin is that wedding traditions are very adaptable. Don’t like the idea of your father “giving you away”? Then figure out another way to get down the aisle. Don’t like the symbolism of the bouquet toss, but like the tradition? Then adapt it to mean something new. This is the start of your whole new life together, so don’t hesitate to take control of your own rites and symbols and to make up new traditions that suit the two of you.

A few modern takes on old traditions:

Walking Down the Aisle

Many brides now opt to nix the tradition of their fathers walking them down the aisle in order to “give them away.” Other brides don’t have fathers available to walk them, or are closer or equally close to another family member. It is common now for a bride to have both her parents walk her down the aisle. We’ve also seen grandparents, siblings, friends, or even a beloved dog doing the honors. Whoever you think belongs by your side as you walk to meet your future husband is undoubtedly the best choice of escort.

Ceremony & Vows

Dearly beloved…you know the drill. How many times have you heard the whole spiel in movies and on TV, not to mention in person, at the countless weddings you’ve been to? In fact, you’ve probably heard it so often that you’ve rarely, if ever, stopped to think about what those age-old words mean and how they’ve subtly changed over time. So, before you sign on for the whole “till death do you part” song and dance, think about whether you really want “death” introduced into your moments of wedding bliss. Sure, this is a big deal and you want to be realistic and all, but doesn’t “for as long as you both shall live” sound so much nicer?

And you know that awkward moment during weddings when the officiant asks if anyone knows of any reason why the couple shouldn’t be married and you suddenly have to sneeze like never before in your life? Feel free to skip that part of the ceremony, if you want. Many couples do and their guests are much more comfortable for not having to worry about sneezes, hiccups or other inadvertent utterances.

Rice Throwing

A while back a myth circulated that rice thrown at weddings was dangerous to birds, so many people began throwing birdseed. The rice theory was later debunked, but the birdseed has remained. We happen to like the idea of birdseed – it’s eco-friendly and has a pleasing new-life-together-sustaining-life sort of feel to it. Just make sure that the church or venue in which you’re getting married allows throwing of rice or birdseed (not only does it create a mess, but people have been known to slip and fall and no one wants a wedding-day lawsuit). Many couples now distribute small bottles of bubble solution, so that they can exit in a prismatic shower of bubbles. Nice, huh?

Bouquet Toss

All single ladies are not always enthused at the prospect of the bouquet toss. Some find it completely mortifying. If you do decide to stick with the tradition, try to make sure that no one is pressured to join in or hauled out of her seat and pushed into the middle of the room by your over-eager mother or sister. Conversely, if you like the tradition but not the symbolism, change it: get all the single men in addition to the women out there to try to catch the bouquet. If you don’t have too many guests, get them all out there and declare that whoever catches it will have lifelong good luck or get a dance with the bride.

Wedding rituals inevitably change over time, so don’t worry that you’re messing with tradition if you decide to change them or come up with your own. Who knows – if you hit on something good you just might start a new tradition that will become standard one day.