Ask the Experts: Seating, Shoe Blues & Thank-Yous

  
Having photographed hundreds of weddings, we’ve seen it all. More advice on touchy wedding topics from your humble Studio Blue experts:
 
Dear Studio Blue,
 
My fiancé and I are having a disagreement about the dinner seating arrangements. He thinks that we should seat friends and relatives together. I say we should “curate” interesting groupings of strangers who might hit it off. After all, you never know when you might be paving the way for another future wedding. Who’s right?
 
— Miss Matchmaker
 
Well, aren’t you the hopeless romantic. Here’s the thing: sounds like you’re also a bit of a control freak. Some of your friends and relatives are going to be traveling a long way to attend your wedding, and many of them won’t have seen one another for a while. Dinner is prime time for conversation and catching up, so do you really want to maroon your loved ones with strangers at separate tables? On the other hand, you do have a point: weddings can be a great place to meet people, and you know best who might hit it off. So, sorry to say, you’re both right.
 
Shoot for the middle ground. Go ahead and seat groups together, but don’t seat one loner couple with a table full of old college friends, or the couple will inevitably get ignored. Entire tables full of singles and lone couples who don’t know many other people at the wedding might feel like the social ghetto, but it actually ensures comfort and conversation. Seat compatible people together, but don’t create theme tables: seating all of the gay or elderly people together is embarrassing for everybody. And yes, you can indulge your matchmaking urges, as long as you’re subtle about it.
 
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Dear Studio Blue,
 
We’ve just spent over a year planning every detail of our upcoming wedding, and now my fiancé hits me with this zinger: he wants to wear red high-top sneakers with his tuxedo. Granted, they’re kind of his trademark and he’s been wearing them since high school, but come on! It’s our wedding day! The thought of those ridiculous shoes in our wedding photos makes me want to cry. How can I talk him out of it?
 
— Seeing Red
 
Well, Red, this is a tricky one. But weddings invariably involve battle-picking, and we’re not entirely sure that this isn’t one you should just surrender…with conditions. We’re guessing that one of the reasons you chose to tie the knot with your fiancé is his quirkiness and humor. Red high-top sneakers stand out even when you’re not standing at an altar, after all. If they’re really his trademark and important enough to him to get you all worked up over, then maybe you should let him have them. He’ll be grateful to you forever, which you can really cash in on down the road.
 
You can start by seeing if he’ll agree to don them only for the reception. If that doesn’t fly, just make sure that he buys a brand-new pair for the occasion – stains and dirty laces will not do. Also plan your wedding photography in advance and make sure that you get some good shots without the sneakers, if they really bother you that much.
 
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Dear Studio Blue,
 
I recently attended a wedding shower where the hostess asked the guests to agree that they didn’t need thank-you notes for their gifts, since the bride already had a million other things to do. Makes perfect sense, right? Can I ask the host of my upcoming shower to do the same for me?
 
— No Thanks
 
Wow. And no. We will not speak to the situation you witnessed, but you will write those thank-you notes with grace and enthusiasm. And if anyone says they don’t want one, write one anyway. End of story.
 
 
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